Day 1: Isn't it Ironic
As a perfectionist, writing a blog about "deperfecting" is a tough thing to begin. Kind of ironic how I've sat at my screen, thinking about how to write the perfect first post for the last 30 minutes. Regardless, here it is:
I've been a perfectionist as long as I can remember, but it's only recently that I've been able to name it as "perfectionism". Instead, the words I used were:
Lazy
Unmotivated
Scattered
Directionless
Overthinking
And that's because I never felt like the traditional perfectionist. When I hear the word "perfectionist", I think of someone who is organized, high achieving, always completing their goals to a tee. That was never me. Sure, I had academic success growing up, and a promising start to my career since graduating University in 2022.
But within those successes are countless hours of scrolling Reddit, procrastinating getting started on a homework assignment. Or the thousands of dollars spent on home gym equipment, only to spend more time planning my workouts than actually doing them. Or the stress of not doing enough at work, knowing that I should get started but not taking action until I feel the pressure of a deadline. Or the electric drums I bought, but never learned. Or the desires to organize my kitchen, closet, or other part of the house that I'd been neglecting.
I attributed this to laziness, to not being motivated about accomplishing my goals. After years of thought, and some help from a therapist, I realize now that these challenges stem from perfectionism. I struggled to start tasks because I was scared of failure. Because unless I knew the pathway to finishing the task perfectly, task paralysis kicked in, and I would default to the quick reward of scrolling my phone.
So now I am here, writing this blog. It might be difficult, but I intend to write a post daily about my journey of deperfecting. And this is the first step. I don't know what I will write about tomorrow. It scares me, but I know it's just the perfectionism talking.
I am completely happy if I am the only person who ever reads these posts. I plan to treat it as a journal. But if others stumble upon this and read along, I hope it helps bring you along on your journey of deperfecting. And if you are an already-recovered ex-perfectionist, I'd love to learn about your journey to.
- Alex