Day 4: Self-Esteem

Today I listened to the Hidden Minds podcast episode interviewing Kristin Neff. She is an expert psychologist in the field of self-compassion and perfectionism.

Something that really stood out to me was a part of the episode where she discussed self-esteem, and where you get it from. She said "there's nothing wrong with having it (self-esteem), but its how you get it. Do you get it from being better than other people? From being a narcissist, and being really ego defensive? Or do you get it from having to be perfect, or having to succeed? All of these things are bound to eventually lead to problems".

This really hit home for me, because I think a big part of my self-esteem came from doing things well, or succeeding. When I do something successfully, I feel like a great person. I am proud of myself. I am truly happy with myself. But when I do something wrong, or make a mistake? I dwell on it. I call myself stupid. I feel bad about myself.

I think it's a really eye opening thing to realize. It's so cliché, but would I judge a friend or loved one the same way I judge myself? Definitely not! But that doesn't stop me from having my self talk be conditional on my own successes or failures.

I don't know the fix for this, but I plan to dive deeper into Kristin's work about self-compassion, because I think it's a big part of my struggles with perfectionism.

- Alex